Aftermath
by Taramisu
Summary: Buffy and Spike deal with their actions in "Smashed"


Aftermath

* * *
    
    
    He didn't sleep a wink for four hours. He did not dare, afraid the
    second he lost consciousness, the dream would end. Her head nestled
    itself right there in the crook of his arm, positioned perfectly to
    allow him to inhale the scent of her hair. God, he must have taken a
    million breaths just in the last ten minutes alone.
    With her asleep, he could deceive himself into thinking that things
    would finally be right this time. He carefully looked at her lips.
    They were curled into a faint, yet content grin. Her Slayer hardness
    had vanished and all that remained upon her angelic face was
    Buffiness. What a silly phrase he used to describe her gentle,
    womanly qualities. He rarely saw that side of her. The first time
    was on her back porch. He had come to kill her with a shotgun - but
    her vulnerability and humanity stopped him in his tracks. The second
    time was in his crypt after the Glory incident. His sacrifice for
    Dawn had moved her in a way he could have never dreamed, and he won
    himself his first kiss. And there were other incidents, but they were
    few and far between. His demon reminded him that this was likely to
    be the last. But still, here she was, snuggled warmly in his arms,
    breathing quietly with a grin of satisfaction upon her face. He was
    content to pretend she was his as long as she would let him.
    Her first thought as she climbed out of unconsciousness was vague.
    Not really a thought at all. More like an emotion made physical. She
    tried to focus on the thought, but only saw disjointed images.
    Pancakes with butter and maple syrup. Fresh baked bread. Christmas
    morning by the fireplace. The warmth of mother's embrace. The long,
    passionate kiss of a lover. Her eyes fluttered open to unfamiliar
    surroundings. Dust, debris, plaster and wood. Her mind slowly pieced
    together the circumstances that led her to this place.
    "Spike…A fight…Spike punched me…Spike punched me! Wait. Spike did
    more than that."
    The realization slammed into her brain like a cartoon anvil.
    "Oh, God. I had sex with Spike!"
    Then the worst comprehension of all came to her.
    "No, I made love to Spike."
    Then, the physical feeling of her body drifted into her consciousness.
    A pale, thin, but strong body was holding her as if she were the most
    precious gift on earth. His cool breath, for some strange reason,
    tickled her ear. She found herself afraid to move, for once she
    awoke, the confrontation would begin.
    "G'morning."
    Buffy froze in place.
    "I know you're awake."
    'Damn.'
    Spike sat up and carefully sat her up at the same time.
    "Listen. I know where this is going," Spike sneered just a bit.
    "No, I don't think you do. See…I'm…"
    He stood, giving her a perfect view of his naked form and shutting her
    up momentarily.
    "Yes, I do. Buffy, you don't know what you want. I really thought
    that you would admit to me, one day, that you loved me. It just isn't
    so, is it? You're all hung up on the fact that I'm a vampire without
    a soul. You can't see that what I've really become. You still think
    I'm a nasty, dirty thing."
    Buffy just stared at him, unbelieving.
    "Well, I may be Love's Bitch, but I'm no Poofter. I won't let you do
    this to me any more. I'm not a sex toy, I'm not your demon informer,
    I'm not even your sounding board. I'm a man who is deeply in love
    with you. Last night meant more to me than you could ever know..."
    Spike turned around, forcing the tears back. "…or will ever know.
    So, before you can say it, I will." He turned back to face her and
    took a long, deep breath.
    "This freak show is over. I'm leaving Sunnydale."
    Buffy sat silent.
    "If you ever come to your senses, I'll come back. But both you and I
    know that will never happen, so…"
    The quiet Slayer suddenly grabbed whatever was nearby to cover her
    naked body and angrily marched over to him.
    "No. You. Don't."
    "Buffy, I'm not playing the part of your puppy anymore."
    "If you really loved me, how could you leave? Haven't I had enough of
    that already? I thought you, of all people, would be the first to
    stay." Her eyes became moist.
    Spike didn't know what to think. She was, of course, right. They all
    left, and it was he who should be staying for the long haul. "Give me
    a reason…just *one* reason that I should stay here in Sunnydale. I'm
    hated by every single creature here, except maybe Dawn. No one wants
    me here, and you will never love me. So, what is there for me here?"
    "I didn't have sex with you last night, Spike."
    Spike threw his hands up, furiously. "Oh, bloody hell you did! How
    dare you…"
    And through his ranting and anger, he heard a small voice utter a
    small sentence which made him change his mind forever.
    "I didn't have sex with you last night…I made love to you."
    


End file.
